I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize