there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
