His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You're completely useless in the revolution.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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