If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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