He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
