he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize