if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
