Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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