420 ftw
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
