I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
