people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
