Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Your dad touched me again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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