I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
