they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize