I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
