She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
