I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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