I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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