nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
