I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
