Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
