How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she peed on how many people?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I can't turn off my feet"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
