Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
