A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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