JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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