$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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