if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
