the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
