I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
NoShamevember. You game?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
