it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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