I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and she was petting her beer can
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
