I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You are the jesus of drinking
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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