All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
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