Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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