Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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