chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
