I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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