??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
