Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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