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• (905): View more from Toronto

  it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors

  (1-905): View more from Toronto

  american apparel?

  (905): View more from Toronto

  try lime green

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable

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• (623): View more from Arizona

  You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'

  (1-623): View more from Arizona

  I thought I could.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship

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• (650): View more from California

  I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?

  (831): View more from California

  I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak

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• (408): View more from California

  Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.

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• (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.

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