don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize