am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
