He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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