My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
