I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
