I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
