Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
