I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
