is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
