I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
