Your face is a jimmy john
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
