I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
