forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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