Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
