yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
