i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
