found the other keg... it's in the tree
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
