Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
