anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
