It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
BRING THE BAGELS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
