I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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