what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
