thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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