I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
