just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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