apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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