just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
