We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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