I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
