i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize