Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
