we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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