We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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