I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Are my feet made of real feet?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Is it penis luge time yet?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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