I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
