In America we eat man semen.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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