all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So apparently I’m into choking now
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