last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
