I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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