last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
