then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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