you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
