Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
