those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
