Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
