It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
