sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
