I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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